She was lifeless but then started coming around and all I could think to do was to give her water so I used a syringe to put it into her mouth. She came around more and her tongue slowly turned to pink. When I could feel that her limbs regained strength, I put her on the floor and she went to her water dish and drank it dry.
Anyway, this was the second time this happened and I’m not sure how many chances are ahead or if the next one will be the last. We’re living one day at a time she and I, sometimes on pins and needles, other times cuddling and floating on a cloud. I’m not sure what’s going through her mind or if they know when they are dying, sometimes she looks at me with very sad, big eyes. We can’t begin to understand how they think and you know what they say about assuming.
I still plan to take her to work but she’s now up on the desk where she won’t jump up and down. All that gets a workout is her tongue when she’s petted. I researched it on the net and talked to the vet. Even squatting for a poop and the light straining involved can bring one of these episodes on. So I am trying to live in a stress free environment, no barking is allowed and no play. I hope to keep things together until Thursday when daddy gets home and that is going to be a challenge. The only thing more exciting for Honey than me and ball is daddy. I’m going to have to squeeze her tight so she doesn’t jiggle and squirm into unconsciousness, hand her over without her feet touching the ground and he’ll have to hold her tight until she settles. She normally loses her mind when she first sees him, jumping, crying and licking frantically so it will be difficult to contain that kind of excitement. I’ll bet he wishes I was that thrilled at his homecoming! Seeing him after a few months away is more like sliding into a comfortable pair of slippers and having an ahhhh moment.
I’ve been pent up in the house a lot and it’s been difficult. When it’s a forced confinement it wreaks havoc on my mind and I’m torn between trying to relax at home and feeling guilty for not being at the shop. I taught a beginner class on Saturday and although I dreaded going to the shop it was the best medicine ever as the women were great and the class was seamless. The night before had been difficult, up every hour with Honey and I cried a bunch so my eyes were swollen and sore. By the end of the class my eyes felt better and the dark cloud over my head dissipated. Being home isn’t as comforting as it sounds when the air is filled with sadness and deepens with every breath.
I’m just about to go outside and bring in firewood for the snowstorm coming tomorrow. Every time it snows I always think this will be Honey’s last winter; her last time to play in the snow. A friend suggested I start a journal on Honey, recording all the fun little things she does, her personality traits and my thoughts about her. I had forgotten I did this for Louis shortly after he passed and it was a comfort to read later because it is so easy to forget those little things that make them so special to us.
So I have to get to work piling wood and cleaning the yard. Now that most of the snow from the last storm is gone I can pick up all the clutter from a garbage bag that was ripped apart from the wind. Then later this afternoon get at those piles of laundry that grow like bad weeds. I need to show hubby, while in his absence, I was doing more than massaging my backside with the sofa cushions. I’ll be so happy to see him. Once he gets home we will share the ups and downs of Honey’s life and care and she and I will feel less alone....