My home is my castle, my sanctuary, a place I can let my hair down, literally. A place where I don’t have to wear makeup, a place where I can walk around outside in my nightie any time I please. We aren’t all cookie cutter the same. I don’t have to be to work until 10:00. Most of you have been to work and are on a coffee break by then. I can lounge around a bit in the mornings, rise and go outside with the pups in comfort, not worrying about having to fix myself up. We live where we are for the privacy, in town I’d have to chance being seen and our backyard is far enough from the road that a glimpse of me from a passing car won’t show my red face, hairy legs and whether or not I’m braless. It’s liberating to be in the yard unfussed and carefree. It’s my little piece of the planet where I can be natural and safe from prying eyes.
Saturday morning I was outside while the pups had their morning pee. It’s a lovely day, the birds are chirping and it’s already shirt sleeve temperatures. I’m gazing at my lovely lilac bush, heaven laden with flowers this year and the aroma is wafting through the air. I close my eyes and draw in a long breath filling my lungs with its sweet essence. When I open them, I’m appalled to see a strange man walking up the driveway towards me. Generally this means meter reading or fund raising and it being the weekend it was probably a solicitation for one cause or another.
How quickly the peace and tranquility of my world changed. There aren’t enough words to describe the gripping horror of being seen without makeup, my thin hair wild and crazy from a night of tossing and turning and a nightie several inches above the knee showing my spindly, unshaven gams (it's not capri season yet), naked as the day I was born underneath. I was simply mortified and with nowhere to duck and hide I screamed bloody murder.
“GO AWAY, I’M NOT DRESSED!!” I flee to the house for cover, hanging on to my bouncing chest to minimize the flopping under the nighty. Of course my pups see the man, who I might add was middle aged and rather good looking, and Henri and Honey run toward the guy barking their arses off. I’m demanding they follow me to the house in a voice several decibels above eardrum piercing. They rush to the edge of the lawn barking at the guy who is probably stunned from the three ring circus, but I have no time to look in his direction as my goal is to dart to the deck and get to cover as if escaping mortar fire. I know he had to hear me, and after it registered he had to see my disheveled hair, the short nightie, not quite baby doll length but there was thigh showing. At his age he must have come across women and their crazy vanity before, surely he understood the angst!
I made it to the door, two of the pups followed me inside and I screamed for the other two that finally responded after screeching a string of “Comes!” loud enough to be heard over the barking. Now inside, I’m breathing like I finished a marathon, clutching the door for support! MY heart was racing and anger was building, annoyed beyond belief that my peaceful morning was shattered. I wouldn’t have reacted any differently if carnivorous aliens were descending on the property licking their lips at the sight of us.
This is my home. I shouldn’t have to be on guard on my own property. Solicitors, stay the #*%^#$@ away! Its bad enough I have to watch out for coyotes and bald eagles, good looking men shouldn’t be a threat to my personal space. Indignant, I slammed the door shut sending a message to not dare proceed to my step and ring the bell. To sum up, half of me felt assaulted in my own yard by the man’s presence, by his eyes. The other half of me felt sorry for him. I found out later a crew was out collecting for the Food Bank. For goodness sake, set up at the Save Easy, I’ll gladly cut a cheque....please don’t intrude on my private life! I'm not one of those glam gals who lie around the house looking fabulous. Ninety-nine percent of the time I look like crap, surely this is common, surely I'm not the only one unprepared for unwanted solicitations?
I rushed to the front window and saw the guy hoof down the driveway shaking his head. The dogs had been in the middle of their morning eliminations so we went back outside and I kept a careful eye to make sure he didn’t return. That’s when I noted a silver car go slowly by and recognized the man behind the wheel, he was looking up at me and pointing saying something to the person in the passenger seat and I could imagine that he was asking if they knew the crazed, mentally challenged, half naked, scabby faced woman glaring back at them.
I can be social when the conditions are right but when I’m caught unprepared I can be a frantic loon. I am not comfortable being seen with my oily, red skinned face, unmanageable thinning hair and untethered boobs on a mission to sag to my bellybutton. I have problem skin, red and blotchy and I have no delusions of my appearance in the morning. Only my hubby and eventually the undertaker will see the natural me and apologies to that guy well in advance. So yes, I acted demented but I won’t apologize. Entering my yard unannounced is risky business. Maybe I need to put a sign at the end of the driveway warning “Beware”, not because of the dogs, because if you catch me in this state, I might have to kill you.....
Saturday morning I was outside while the pups had their morning pee. It’s a lovely day, the birds are chirping and it’s already shirt sleeve temperatures. I’m gazing at my lovely lilac bush, heaven laden with flowers this year and the aroma is wafting through the air. I close my eyes and draw in a long breath filling my lungs with its sweet essence. When I open them, I’m appalled to see a strange man walking up the driveway towards me. Generally this means meter reading or fund raising and it being the weekend it was probably a solicitation for one cause or another.
How quickly the peace and tranquility of my world changed. There aren’t enough words to describe the gripping horror of being seen without makeup, my thin hair wild and crazy from a night of tossing and turning and a nightie several inches above the knee showing my spindly, unshaven gams (it's not capri season yet), naked as the day I was born underneath. I was simply mortified and with nowhere to duck and hide I screamed bloody murder.
“GO AWAY, I’M NOT DRESSED!!” I flee to the house for cover, hanging on to my bouncing chest to minimize the flopping under the nighty. Of course my pups see the man, who I might add was middle aged and rather good looking, and Henri and Honey run toward the guy barking their arses off. I’m demanding they follow me to the house in a voice several decibels above eardrum piercing. They rush to the edge of the lawn barking at the guy who is probably stunned from the three ring circus, but I have no time to look in his direction as my goal is to dart to the deck and get to cover as if escaping mortar fire. I know he had to hear me, and after it registered he had to see my disheveled hair, the short nightie, not quite baby doll length but there was thigh showing. At his age he must have come across women and their crazy vanity before, surely he understood the angst!
I made it to the door, two of the pups followed me inside and I screamed for the other two that finally responded after screeching a string of “Comes!” loud enough to be heard over the barking. Now inside, I’m breathing like I finished a marathon, clutching the door for support! MY heart was racing and anger was building, annoyed beyond belief that my peaceful morning was shattered. I wouldn’t have reacted any differently if carnivorous aliens were descending on the property licking their lips at the sight of us.
This is my home. I shouldn’t have to be on guard on my own property. Solicitors, stay the #*%^#$@ away! Its bad enough I have to watch out for coyotes and bald eagles, good looking men shouldn’t be a threat to my personal space. Indignant, I slammed the door shut sending a message to not dare proceed to my step and ring the bell. To sum up, half of me felt assaulted in my own yard by the man’s presence, by his eyes. The other half of me felt sorry for him. I found out later a crew was out collecting for the Food Bank. For goodness sake, set up at the Save Easy, I’ll gladly cut a cheque....please don’t intrude on my private life! I'm not one of those glam gals who lie around the house looking fabulous. Ninety-nine percent of the time I look like crap, surely this is common, surely I'm not the only one unprepared for unwanted solicitations?
I rushed to the front window and saw the guy hoof down the driveway shaking his head. The dogs had been in the middle of their morning eliminations so we went back outside and I kept a careful eye to make sure he didn’t return. That’s when I noted a silver car go slowly by and recognized the man behind the wheel, he was looking up at me and pointing saying something to the person in the passenger seat and I could imagine that he was asking if they knew the crazed, mentally challenged, half naked, scabby faced woman glaring back at them.
I can be social when the conditions are right but when I’m caught unprepared I can be a frantic loon. I am not comfortable being seen with my oily, red skinned face, unmanageable thinning hair and untethered boobs on a mission to sag to my bellybutton. I have problem skin, red and blotchy and I have no delusions of my appearance in the morning. Only my hubby and eventually the undertaker will see the natural me and apologies to that guy well in advance. So yes, I acted demented but I won’t apologize. Entering my yard unannounced is risky business. Maybe I need to put a sign at the end of the driveway warning “Beware”, not because of the dogs, because if you catch me in this state, I might have to kill you.....
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