"Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.” - Jodi Picoult,
Maybe today's pet peeve might not be appreciated but it's something that's bothered me since I opened my store. It's possible some people don't even realize what they are saying to me so we'll call this food for thought. Before speaking, consider what your words imply. You never know the history behind the person listening because interpretation is in the 'ears' of the beholder. Today, I'm talking about things said at the cashier counter. I'm not sure why people say what they do but if you break it down, what do their words really mean?
It seems to happen when ringing up the sale.....as money changes hands or the plastic makes that swift swipe. I try to be quiet to make sure I don't mess up the transaction so maybe there's a need to fill the void with words. I'm told things like "You're awfully hard on my money" or "I guess I'll have to remortgage my house now" or "Guess I'll be eating Kraft Dinner tonight!" or "I'd better cancel our reservations as I can't afford to go out now", or "I guess the kids won't be going to university now" or "No Christmas this year", or "Now I'm broke!" or "You cleaned me out!"...to mention but a few......
Buying shouldn't come with surprises. Most stores have their stock marked so a mental tally is easily done. I wonder if the customer ever stops to think what the clerk or store owner thinks after hearing one of these declarations? What does one say to comments like that....what is expected in return? Personally, I try to come back with a witty retort so we can all laugh your way out the door, but after it closes, my smile melts and I wonder if it was said to make me feel bad or if it's was just a habit of words. I've been around enough to know that it isn't just my shop, these comments seem to be a generic response to spending money, but I would prefer chat about the weather, latest projects or maybe even hot flashes, something light and fun. I force no one to spend money....shopping is free will...no one dangles strings or forces you at gun point to take out your wallet. I'm not pushy either...I help you cut corners, give alternate suggestions and don't sell you more than the quantity you need.
Anyway, that wasn't the pet peeve just a prelude. I'm not happy hearing the above comments but I try not to take them personally or let them ruin the day. But, and there is always that but.....it's the customers who drop the following comment that bothers me, makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck as if the a cold draft brushed by.
The offending remark? "When my husband finds out what I've spent he's going to kill me!" These words drop like a lead balloon, burst and then permeate the air like rotten eggs. Think of it....the word husband and the word kill should never be used in the same sentence unless it's deer season or the police have just made the grisly discovery of human remains in your basement. Inferring that your spouse, the man you love, is going to be angry or insane enough to kill you over a wool purchase, well, what does that say about him? What is the listener to assume. especially when it's common to think where there's smoke there's fire.
The statement isn't said in jest, there's usually a frown attached to it, if there was a smile I'd think it was just another comment like the ones above. They might just be words, but they pack a punch, pardon the pun and I'm left speechless, mostly because I'm biting my tongue. It gets me wondering if there is any truth behind them? Thinking you may have to miss a meal I can deal with, but worrying there's darkness waiting for you at home.....that's disturbing! And.....if you really don't mean it, consider how those words represent your husband if he's really just a nice guy. And if he isn't a plum and this is your chance to get a dig in, let the world know your home life is not all happy families, then my heart goes out to you, I've been there and know how it feels but I'm not really the person to vent too or lay that kind of burden on.
So each time I heat this I hope to god it's just a mouthful of benign words but who really knows? I've seen things in the shop that curl my toes. I know the dark side of man, I was married to it. I know they can be mean about shopping, sometimes borderline cruel and if they act this way in public it makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors. I've heard husbands literally scream at their wives who wish to make a purchase so I know there are men who control the bank account with a Brink's fist, making their wives feel second class or unworthy. A woman cut the tips off her fingers because her husband adamantly refused to buy her a cutting machine although she negotiated pretty much everything she could think off to get one, even promising a repayment plan with interest like she was borrowing from a bank, not their marriage. He apparently owned every top-of-the-line tool, but the same luxury didn't apply to her. I stood quietly in the background while my heart bled for her, and later because of his need for control, she bled with a slip of a rotary cutter. The way he acted in the store, in front of me, I couldn't help but wonder what he does to her at home.....and I don't have to stretch the imagination, all I have to do is remember back and quite frankly, I don't want to go there......
Maybe the comment wouldn't bother me so much if not for my past. I know the score; I've made trips to Emergency over disputes that arise from absurdly simple things. So if the statement has no truth behind it, why do you want to make me think your husband will be upset because you spent a little money? If it is true, what can I say? No matter what the reason, whether it's just something to say for the sake of speaking or if it comes from someplace dark....the impression you've left behind is not favourable. And lastly, if it's meant as a slight for me, a hint you don't like my prices so you throw your poor husband on the pyre to excuse your own rudeness, well, no one is forcing you to shop so please curb the need to lash out at me with passive aggression............
It seems to happen when ringing up the sale.....as money changes hands or the plastic makes that swift swipe. I try to be quiet to make sure I don't mess up the transaction so maybe there's a need to fill the void with words. I'm told things like "You're awfully hard on my money" or "I guess I'll have to remortgage my house now" or "Guess I'll be eating Kraft Dinner tonight!" or "I'd better cancel our reservations as I can't afford to go out now", or "I guess the kids won't be going to university now" or "No Christmas this year", or "Now I'm broke!" or "You cleaned me out!"...to mention but a few......
Buying shouldn't come with surprises. Most stores have their stock marked so a mental tally is easily done. I wonder if the customer ever stops to think what the clerk or store owner thinks after hearing one of these declarations? What does one say to comments like that....what is expected in return? Personally, I try to come back with a witty retort so we can all laugh your way out the door, but after it closes, my smile melts and I wonder if it was said to make me feel bad or if it's was just a habit of words. I've been around enough to know that it isn't just my shop, these comments seem to be a generic response to spending money, but I would prefer chat about the weather, latest projects or maybe even hot flashes, something light and fun. I force no one to spend money....shopping is free will...no one dangles strings or forces you at gun point to take out your wallet. I'm not pushy either...I help you cut corners, give alternate suggestions and don't sell you more than the quantity you need.
Anyway, that wasn't the pet peeve just a prelude. I'm not happy hearing the above comments but I try not to take them personally or let them ruin the day. But, and there is always that but.....it's the customers who drop the following comment that bothers me, makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck as if the a cold draft brushed by.
The offending remark? "When my husband finds out what I've spent he's going to kill me!" These words drop like a lead balloon, burst and then permeate the air like rotten eggs. Think of it....the word husband and the word kill should never be used in the same sentence unless it's deer season or the police have just made the grisly discovery of human remains in your basement. Inferring that your spouse, the man you love, is going to be angry or insane enough to kill you over a wool purchase, well, what does that say about him? What is the listener to assume. especially when it's common to think where there's smoke there's fire.
The statement isn't said in jest, there's usually a frown attached to it, if there was a smile I'd think it was just another comment like the ones above. They might just be words, but they pack a punch, pardon the pun and I'm left speechless, mostly because I'm biting my tongue. It gets me wondering if there is any truth behind them? Thinking you may have to miss a meal I can deal with, but worrying there's darkness waiting for you at home.....that's disturbing! And.....if you really don't mean it, consider how those words represent your husband if he's really just a nice guy. And if he isn't a plum and this is your chance to get a dig in, let the world know your home life is not all happy families, then my heart goes out to you, I've been there and know how it feels but I'm not really the person to vent too or lay that kind of burden on.
So each time I heat this I hope to god it's just a mouthful of benign words but who really knows? I've seen things in the shop that curl my toes. I know the dark side of man, I was married to it. I know they can be mean about shopping, sometimes borderline cruel and if they act this way in public it makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors. I've heard husbands literally scream at their wives who wish to make a purchase so I know there are men who control the bank account with a Brink's fist, making their wives feel second class or unworthy. A woman cut the tips off her fingers because her husband adamantly refused to buy her a cutting machine although she negotiated pretty much everything she could think off to get one, even promising a repayment plan with interest like she was borrowing from a bank, not their marriage. He apparently owned every top-of-the-line tool, but the same luxury didn't apply to her. I stood quietly in the background while my heart bled for her, and later because of his need for control, she bled with a slip of a rotary cutter. The way he acted in the store, in front of me, I couldn't help but wonder what he does to her at home.....and I don't have to stretch the imagination, all I have to do is remember back and quite frankly, I don't want to go there......
Maybe the comment wouldn't bother me so much if not for my past. I know the score; I've made trips to Emergency over disputes that arise from absurdly simple things. So if the statement has no truth behind it, why do you want to make me think your husband will be upset because you spent a little money? If it is true, what can I say? No matter what the reason, whether it's just something to say for the sake of speaking or if it comes from someplace dark....the impression you've left behind is not favourable. And lastly, if it's meant as a slight for me, a hint you don't like my prices so you throw your poor husband on the pyre to excuse your own rudeness, well, no one is forcing you to shop so please curb the need to lash out at me with passive aggression............
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