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Trading Glitz for Ditz!

2/4/2014

15 Comments

 
PictureSEE, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE CONFUSED!
I’d like to think I’m reasonably intelligent, although at times it’s questionable.  I’m not exempt from ditzy moments, although as I age they happen less.  But when it does occur, I don’t mind having a laugh my own expense, after all I am human and not afraid to admit it. 

For those of you south of our border, KY probably has a clear meaning.  And considering I send a lot of parcels that way, it should be for me as well. Maybe it’s because last week was tainted by a rather annoying stint of insomnia that haunted  every night. Actually, that's a plausible scapegoat…….yah, that's it!  Sleep deprivation made me do it!   

A customer emailed to say that she would like a pillow designed, and a kit made to say “I Love KY”.   Well, my brain must have been in the middle of an outer body experience because it was obviously MIA.   In disbelief, I read the email the second time and still a dense fog messed with the words.   I read it a third time and then figured it was a joke. I get spam all the time, solicitations and comments, so I chalked it up to just another bit of junk mail.  Really…..why would anyone in their right mind want a pillow that bragged they love KY jelly, a sexual lubricant?  

So before I could talk myself out of it, I forwarded the email to my friend with my comment about jelly and the absurdity of it all.  I'd been asked to draw some pretty weird things in the past, like design a pattern with a bouquet of penises, which of course I refused to do, so this request wasn't totally out of the left field.  But...and there's always that but...maybe if I'd read the email just one more time or let it go until the following day, perhaps I’d have found the clarity to prevent hitting SEND. 

Apparently my friend cracked up and then showed her hubby and he followed suit.  An email queried back, "What the hell was wrong with me?"  "KY is for Kentucky you twit!"  The egg on my face needed a spatula to remove but after the shock of my stupidity passed, I had to laugh....almost peed myself actually.  The email was from a woman who loves her State of Kentucky!....not someone sexually charged that's having a love affair with a lubricant.   I blame the ads on TV for planting the sound of those two  consonants together….K…Y… for steering my foggy brain off the road and into the gutter.    Sigh……double sigh..….triple sigh……I’ll bet Freud would have something interesting to say about this!?  

So how about making me feel better by sharing some of your ditz moments with me?   The one that elicits the biggest chuckle will receive a prezzie.  It doesn’t have to be your own zinger, maybe a family member or friend did something that made you roll on the floor laughing.  I’m offering Glitz for Ditz….a pair of handmade freshwater pearl earrings, made by yours truly, and because of your head in the cloud moment, I’ll also send you ¼ yard of our newest, hot off the stove, dyed sky.  A scrumptious wool with grey/blue highlights, first abrashed to perfection and then over dyed for colour continuity.    I’m sure this wool will become a top seller, not just for sky but backgrounds, water and so much more!  Be the very first to hook with this gorgeous wool!  Send me a short quip by clicking the comment button at the top or bottom of this blog page, (not on Facebook).  Here is a small example from my own archive of embarrassing moments. 

Many years ago I worked with a guy in the accounting department and we often went downtown for lunch together.   He’d purchased a pair of slacks the day before; his wife didn’t like them so he planned to return them to the store.  Wanting to go out to eat, I hollered from my desk to his office, “Steve, are you taking your pants down over lunch?” 

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STEEL BLUE SKY
15 Comments
Shannon Fortenberry
2/4/2014 01:09:40 am

Around the first of this year I had to have a set of new tires put on my car. When I went to pick it up after they were finished, I got in and turned the key. I had left an extra key with the mechanics and started searching for it. I told them to leave it in the car. When I couldn't find it, I went in to see what they did with it (I left my key in the car - my spouse was parked beside it). They handed me the extra key and I went back out to my car. I got ready to drive away and discovered the check engine light was on. I was just about to go back in and ask why, when I realized I had not fully turned the key over to crank it up. LOL I'm so glad I didn't go in and ask! I told my mother in law about it and she told me not to feel bad. Years ago she purchased a new car and was out on a shopping trip with her sister. She said the air wasn't cooling and they were getting hot. She said she stopped by the dealership where she had just bought it and told the man who came out that her air wasn't cooling and she had just bought the car. He leaned in, and said ma'am, if you'd open the vents, I'm sure it will work. She was so embarrassed! She was right, I didn't feel so bad about my episode LOL

Reply
Joni Black
2/4/2014 01:41:09 am

It was the ice storm of the century here in Montreal and if anyone has seen the pictures the ice was everywhere. We knew it was coming so I moved my car down to the bottom of the hill.. our house is on a hill with a 5 car driveway with stone walls. Figured this would be safe as I did not want slide backwards into a wall.. it was a good choice as our tree fell with the heavy ice right where my car would have been. My car was encased in ice so we used the hair dryer to melt it away. the armed forces were out helping people and neighbours were being neighbourly. We wanted to move the car - should not have been a problem as it was at the bottom. Started the car - put it into drive and it would not move. Called my husband and he started pushing.. nope. Got the shovel out.. dug around the tires.. nope. Got a neighbour to help. nope. Put salt out. nope. two more neighbours came. nope.. then someone asked Is your parking brake on? now I never use it.. talk about egg on your face. To this day I have to live that one down...as it occasionally makes the rounds of the neighborhood. Talk about ditzy.. but in my defense I was a little flustered as it was The Storm of the Century!

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Judy. Grieve
2/4/2014 01:55:22 am

I was pregnant with first baby(of 6). New friends invited us to their cottage to get to know us. I got up in the night to use the bathroom and didn't put on any lights to bother any one. I went to the bathroom hoisted my nitie pulled down my undies and went to sit down on the toilet. I heard a voice quietly say" this seat is taken"! The man of the house was sitting on that toilet in the dark! Imagine my fright...and embarrassment! I pulled up my panties and rushed back to bed . I nearly burst by morning! The "new friend " never mentioned it to anyone...but I never did fully recover!Am quite surprised I didn't pee on him !

Reply
Christine
2/4/2014 02:22:45 am

About 10 or so years ago my husband and two children and I went to Oaklawn Farm for a visit. I was walking ahead of my family and walked around this building / barn and turned and announced to my son, 'Oh Ben come look at the turkeys'!! When my husband and children got there, my husband said 'where'? What I was looking at were ostrich's!! To this day I have not been able to live this down, my husband brings it up on a regular basis....

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Adena
2/4/2014 02:44:10 am

Several years ago my girlfriend moved into a new apartment and I took over a bottle of wine on my first visit to celebrate. It was a decent bottle of wine and since we are both accomplished wine drinkers, she found a corkscrew and we went at it. The cork wouldn't budge - not even a little. We both had a go at holding it between our legs and pulling on the corkscrew to no avail. Her landlord was downstairs in the office so she took it down to see if he could get it out. Of course it came out as smooth as silk. Our lesson of the day - you need to use the lever on the corkscrew and it will work just fine. And, we hadn't even had any yet, but we certainly had a good laugh over that one (and we enjoyed the wine too)

Reply
Ila Wisdom
2/4/2014 03:16:47 am

Our group of high school teachers would go out on Thursdays to the movies. We would usually plan what to see ahead of time. One week, however, we changed our minds at lunch and needed to inform a couple of others about the new decision. I saw one of the girls in the hallway and told her about the change of plans, and as she was walking away, I proceeded to yell at her.."If you see Kay... Please tell her the change..". I had paused after Kay's name... bad mistake in front of a high school class! I never got the rest of the sentence out of my mouth as I heard the gasps and saw the look of horror on my students' faces. There was also the sound of other classroom doors opening as my loud voice echoed down the hall. Then, the laughter started as everyone realized what I had meant to say...
Kay has since passed on, but this story continues to follow me and has been told and retold at reunions and it still brings a laugh when we retired teachers get together.

Reply
Yvonne McTeer
2/4/2014 04:23:56 am

A few years back, when I owned my own business …. one of the jobs that we did often was make trophies .. I had to drill holes in wood and attach rods to hold the top piece of wood together with the bottom piece of wood … here I am drilling holes and I had to press so hard, to get the hole even started … so I thought the bit was dull, so off I went to buy a new bit … low and behold it too was dull. I was not impressed, and I had about 25 trophies to assemble… a male friend came by for a visit , and I mentioned to him my problem and would he drill the holes for me ….. so guess what I had the drill in REVERSE !!!!

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Theresa
2/4/2014 04:30:58 am

Many years ago after a quick shower I wrapped my hair in a towel to call to my cat through a small kitchen window. The apartment building had an outside deck attaching all apartments. My cat was fighting with my next door neighbour's cat by my door. I spoke to the cat and my neighbour, Paul, through the window....and then I opened the door!! At first I wasn't sure why Paul just stood there with his mouth hanging open. This happened in 1975 and I still blush when I think about what I did.😳

Reply
Wendy
2/4/2014 06:00:52 am

Just before Christmas a few years back, I made a hurried trip to the bank, and hubby drove. He let me out in front of the branch and I hurried to the door of the bank to discover it had just been locked. I walked back to the car, and got in, and spent a minute or so flipping through my bank book, hoping that no cheques I had written would bounce. Suddenly I heard a man's voice...deeper than my husband's ...say "hello". Without raising my head, I looked at my feet where none of my grocery bags were. I looked to the car ahead where my husband sat...watching the drama unfold in the car behind him. He collapsed in uncontrolled gales of laughter, and later told me that what did him in was seeing my lips form the words "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

The trip back to the car felt like a scene from an old time movie with feet spinning and no distance covered. My ditzy moment...

Reply
Pam
2/4/2014 07:39:30 am

Many years ago I owned a Volkswagen which needed a lot of repairs. I scheduled an appointment with Cornwallis Motors in Kentville (living in Wolfville at the time). It was an late day appointment and getting dark and to add insult to the drive, it was raining and my windshield wipers weren't working correctly. My husband was the co-pilot and he had to lean out the window from time to time to flick the wipers to clear the windows. I wasn't very comfortable driving in Kentville, as it had one way streets, and I wasn't 100% sure where Cornwallis Motors was. I missed the turn and decided to stop and review where to go by turning into the parking lot by the railway station. It didn't take long to realize that I missed the parking lot and was driving (well...bumping) along on the railway tracks. As we were bumping along... we saw a "gentleman" walking along the tracks. My husband rolled down the window and asked...." is this the way to Cornwallis Motors?" I wish I could have seen the expression on his face!

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Nancy Forsman
2/4/2014 11:33:48 am

I had just reading an inspection report and the inspector reported the property was filthy and infested with cock roaches as well as other deficiencies. I was writing an letter regarding the issues with the property and I the spelling of cock just didn't look right so with an office full of men I called out to my co worker how do you spell cock.
Do you know that grown men can giggle. Finally one of the men stood up and asked me"what did you just ask" . We were laughing so hard we all had tears running down our face
I really am a horrible speller

Reply
Nancy FOrsman
2/4/2014 11:38:35 am

the story about spelling the word cock roach is true.
I told my husband what I was putting on your blog and he that's pretty good especially come from a woman who got her head stuck in the elevator at work. Yes that is true but that is another story.

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M.
2/4/2014 12:41:46 pm

A woman came in the shop on Saturday and told me this one. She said she would send it when she got home but either forgot or didn't want to be embarrassed so I am going to add it and just call her M. This won't be judged for the prize but it's so cute I couldn't resist. Apparently her mom who is 93 was sick last year with a bout of pneumonia. For some reason she couldn't remember the word so told everyone that she had gonorrhea. I almost lose it every time I think of it.

Maybe this strikes a funny cord because of something my mother used to say. She found a recipe in the newspaper once and until I moved out of the house we had a Quickie occasionally for dinner. I later realized the word was Quiche....but we were a family who had quickies!

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Kathy Ulrich
2/4/2014 05:03:18 pm

I really don't think I can top the 'quickie', and now I am going to laugh every time I see a quiche!! Oh well, I will add my funny moment anyway, even if it is just a family joke. My four children, my husband and I were touring Washington D.C. a few years ago. One thing I really wanted to see was the White House, but not knowing you had to make reservations way in advance for a tour, I had to be content with walking around the four sides. It just happened to be the weekend of the Easter Egg Roll, and on the side that had a grassy ellipse, they had put up a fence past that area, so we had to go way around. I was disappointed not to be able to walk closer, and told my family that I could not believe they closed the whole ellipse. I realized my family had stopped walking and were staring at me, so I asked what was up. My daughter said, "Mom, what do you mean they closed the holy lips?" We still get a chuckle out of that one.

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