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Update on my Honey

8/23/2017

29 Comments

 
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I’m sitting here with my coffee as distant rumblings of thunder tell a tale of things to come.  It’s a bit of a grey day, dismal really, but they can’t all be sunshine and roses.  Our lawn is fried to a crisp so we could use a bit of rain.

Lately the weather doesn't predict my mood, Honey does.  If she faints it taints the day, if she makes it to bedtime without passing out, its glorious.  I’m not deluded, things will get worse before the end, but in the meantime I’m working two steps ahead of every scenario to keep her safe.  Every faint brings her closer to the inevitable and I’m not ready to face that just yet.  I probably never will, life without my precious girl will be less brilliant for a very long time. 

I have noticed she's slowing down a bit, but she's still happy, she eats, and she wants to play although I have to put a stop to that.  Any excitement sets her off, her heart beats wildly, her blood pressure drops and then so does she, wobbling on four legs and then crashing to the floor in a sickening thump, as limp and lifeless as death itself.  I have dreams of her in my arms, falling limp and lifeless, her head hanging down, her tongue dangling past her lips, her eyes loosing that spark, the essence of her. I know what it's like; my Louis passed away and I held him in my arms, I still feel the ache of it.

​I wake up with heartbreak crushing my chest, it’s almost like a cruel practice for that terrible day when the dream becomes a reality.   I’m not sure why I’m tortured so, other than my thoughts never stray from her illness, it’s the main focus of my life, every second of every minute of every day.  No wonder it haunts my dreams.  I love my animals deeply, they mean as much to me as any human life, they are a part of me and I am a part of them, the bond we share is stronger than steel. 

Usually she’s in my arms when she passes out.  The second I see the telltale signs I’ve grabbed her up to comfort and help her through it.  I’ve gotten very good at detecting them, it’s like I know instinctively when it will happen. A mother’s instinct is a powerful thing and I am her mother in every sense of the word except genetically.  I’m so afraid she’ll pass out if I’m not there and just keep going into the dark night.  I truly believe I help her heart to start up again by stimulating her with caresses and hugs and my gentle voice telling her she’s loved and special.  Sometimes after a particularly rough day of spells, I even tell her she can go if she needs too, I’ve heard the stories of animals lingering for their humans so I tell her I’ll be okay even though I don’t mean it.  Obviously she isn’t ready to leave me just yet. 

She’s nowhere near the end of her life, she’s a happy little peanut, no one’s told her she’s got an iffy ticker.  She goes to work with me each day and does her bit at the shop, schmoozing and playing cute.  Everyone stops to talk or pet her so she’s soaking up all the attention, especially from men.  She’s always been a floozy, loves the male gender and makes the extra effort to smell them and get a few extra scratches on the head or belly.  It’s funny how four legged and two legged animals interact with that kind of chemistry.  The bond a son has with his mom and the daddy’s girl scenario seems to apply with dogs and humans as well. 

So today has started well, no faint yet.  My goal is to have three days in a row without an incident, but we haven’t been able to rack up more than two.  In the meantime I don’t leave her side.  It’s been almost seven months we’ve been joined at the hip.  No eating out or socializing unless she accompanies me and no complaining about it either.  She’s my number one priority right now.  I left her once for groceries when it was too hot to leave her in the car and she fainted from the excitement of my return even though I parked in the driveway and literally ran to the door, let myself in and swept her up in my arms.  Fiz, the barker of the family had warned the pack that a car pulled in and had the pups whipped into frenzy before I’d even gotten it in park.  Fiz sits in the window like a sentinel and keeps the pack updated on bikers riding by, kayakers in the harbour, cars coming and going at the neighbour’s, she’s a nosy, gossiping,  busy body so I’ve since learned to earned to keep the curtains closed.   
  
So we live from one day to the next with fingers crossed.  I awake in the morning and see her smiling face and thank her for hanging around another day.  I wake up a dozen times through the night to touch her in the darkness to feel warmth and breath coming from her tiny body.   Her birthday is September 11 and our wish is that she’ll live to see twelve candles on her liver cake, then perhaps another Christmas......
     
29 Comments
Tracy
8/23/2017 02:22:16 pm

I just went through this with my baby, who died a week ago in my arms while we were cuddling on the couch. Prayers to you and your girl. I am working on designing a rug hook for my little Lucky Duck.

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Elaine
8/23/2017 02:22:57 pm

What a sweetie!

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Jan
8/23/2017 02:24:07 pm

Sending hugs to you both.

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Karen
8/23/2017 02:48:18 pm

That was so beautiful. I just visited your shop over the weekend with my sister, I'm the one who fell in love with the old lady with glasses rug on the wall. My Maltese passed away just over a year ago and he was 11 years had a seizure and on driving him to the animal hospital he took his last breaths in my arms. I was literally in shock and. It expecting him to pass (Brody). I brought her in to the animal hospital still in disbelief as they took him from me and rushed him inside behind closed doors. My eyes filled up and the lump in my throat I still feel. I thought for sure they were going to come back and tell me he was breathing again. But instead 5 mi Utes later they open the doors and say "were so sorry". Just reliving this as I'm typing it tears are filling my eyes. I cried for days, my mom and dad shed tears, and my son was hit hard by the loss. I never experienced this kind of grief as I did with our Brody. It took weeks, months and I told everyone never again would I get another dog, I just couldn't put us through that kind of loss again. After months of adjusting better I decided to be put on a waiting list for a cockatoo. Not a day goes by that Brody doesn't come to mind and her ashes and her big smile sit on my fireplace mantle we're everyone sits. I have had two family members both indicate that one fine day they on separate occasions seen a cloud formation that looked identical to Brody. It somehow makes me believe he is always with us and It was a sign to us to say I'm ok, at least that's what I like to think. I loved reading your story and I exactly how you feel.

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Christine
8/23/2017 04:43:12 pm

Karen, I could feel the pain in your words. I know that feeling only too well. Don't give up on more puppy love though. They don't live as long as us but the love is well worth the pain. My heart is huge for dogs, and I know down the road I will have more. Not for awhile though as I have three others now. I couldn't imagine living without them because they give e back so much more.

Sandy
8/23/2017 02:29:07 pm

She is a lucky little dog...so loved!! The way it should be for all little animals, but not always the case...

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Vicki Thibault
8/23/2017 02:29:43 pm

Big hugs for you and Honey. We sure love our babies don't we!

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Brenda Reed
8/23/2017 02:45:00 pm

Oh, I know how you feel. My girl Maggy is 15 years old. I count every day with her as a blessing. I don't even mind when she wakes me up in the middle of the night to go pee (old girls and their bladders😉). I was with her at the beginning, I'll be with her at the end...even if it breaks my heart.

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Norma Richard
8/23/2017 03:17:50 pm

Special hugs to you and Honey. I know exactly how you are feeling, and my my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

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Frieda
8/23/2017 03:38:41 pm

Everything is crossed for you and Honey. My precious blind Maggie now sits in the bathroom when I'm gone so that she can hear my car when I drive up to the house. Our babies are our lives, I know. Take care. We may see you on Saturday, we have a road trip planned.

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Chris
8/23/2017 03:39:18 pm

I'm so so sorry, the worst part of loving.

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Sally
8/23/2017 03:39:56 pm

I know how hard this is. Been there and done that.

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Barbara
8/23/2017 03:40:36 pm

Hugs!

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Amy Carpio
8/23/2017 03:40:59 pm

So sorry to hear. Very hard to watch a pet suffer.

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Starr
8/23/2017 04:21:28 pm

Never easy when they leave our life, whether it be four 🐾🐾 paws or two 👞👞 feet. It just breaks our heart 💔

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Lucy Richard
8/23/2017 04:43:51 pm

Christine, my heart goes out to you! We do what needs to be done for our little furry friends, just like our kids.
We seen her at her post a few months ago and yes she is still a happy little girl. Hoping for 3 days for you both too! Take care.

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Paula
8/23/2017 05:21:41 pm

Oh Christine,
How moving and eloquent. We'll be here until mid October. I'd be glad to run errands or buy groceries, whatever. Miss Ellie was diagnosed with chronic leukemia last April, putting a real lump in my throat. They are such integral parts of our lives. ❤️🐶❤️ Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Honey.

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Christine
8/23/2017 05:24:30 pm

Hi Paula, Sorry to hear about Miss Ellie. Gregg will be home in a couple of weeks so we'll take you sailing. We haven't been out in her yet with engine problems and his leaving. Not my favourite summer! So much for putting all my fun in one basket!

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Paula
8/23/2017 05:36:31 pm

That sounds like a plan. Meanwhile, we're here if you need us. 🐶🐶🐶

Vicki Crane
8/23/2017 05:31:52 pm

I thank you so much for sharing your joy and sorrows with all of us. Prayers for comfort, understanding for you and healing for sweet Honey.

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Marolyn
8/23/2017 05:48:58 pm

Lucky to have such Love we treat them like our children.

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Audrey John
8/23/2017 05:50:41 pm

Love you, Honey!

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Janet. Connolly
8/23/2017 07:40:21 pm

So sorry, prayers and thoughts are with you during this. I know how difficult it is, our wee Shih Tzu passed away mid May. Still hard. He was 13.

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Betsy
8/23/2017 08:35:26 pm

I know your pain, I watched my fur child die slowly of CHF. You must convince yourself to be happy each day for you pup. They pick up on our pain. Hugs to you and your brave girl.
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Pamela
8/24/2017 06:33:37 am

Our old lab was epileptic and was so sad and hard to catch him before falling to the floor- so sorry your pup is ill and we can only be there for them and show them our love.. Sounds like you baby is well loved..

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Lou Ann
8/24/2017 06:34:57 am

Our Maggie Mae is a 15 yr old black Poodle and is blind, as well as deaf. She's to the point where she has to be hand fed because of her sight deficiency. We also have a white 12 yr old Llaso who is still as spunky as she was as a pup. These two are my loves, in spite of four grown children and ten grandchildren. Elderly dogs are so appreciative, even though their high energy days are over. I feel so blessed to be commissioned for this privilege!

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Joan Larsen Folkers
8/24/2017 06:20:44 pm

I'd been thinking about her wondering how Honey is doing. Glad she still enjoys food and attention. She looks a bit older than I remember.......but then, so do I:-)

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Linda
8/24/2017 06:21:49 pm

Precious girl...my baby is almost 18, we love her so very much and hate to see her age...praying for you and Honey🙏💔❤

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