When Honey was still with me I pretty much quit my social life and going out to restaurants was collateral damage. She was very delicate and I had to keep the excitement down so she wouldn’t faint. Each episode brought her closer to the end so I tried to extend her life as much as possible by keeping her relaxed and safe. I don’t begrudge that time with her at all, she was my #1 priority. Hubby says the food is better at home anyway so how could I ever argue with that!
Now that my girl is gone I am getting used to not being a caregiver. For a long while I found it strange that I had little purpose other than to cater to myself, my husband and my other babies, all of whom didn’t need me to the degree my little patient did. Without my little ward, I’ve learned to once again venture away from home on my own for work, groceries and errands.
So two Saturday evenings ago, we went out to Rebecca's Restaurant with friends. I haven’t eaten there since they first opened and I wanted to try their new digs since their move to Keddy’s Landing at the head of the bay.
I was a bit down in the tooth, not wanting to go out but pulled up my big girl panties and made an effort to enjoy myself. Holy frig, the food was incredible and exceeded all my expectations! I had the Seafood Pasta and all I can say is WOW! Everything we ate was scrumptious, the starters and the dessert, not only tasted fabulous but looked like it was prepared for a photo shoot in a Gourmet Magazine. Not one complaint among us. I can’t wait to go back for that dish again as the taste and memory lingers on.
They also had live entertainment that evening. A local singer and her guitar strummed us through the various courses of the meal. She had an amazing voice, soft at times, but when she belted out those high notes the hair raised on my arms. Her name is Erika Kulnys. We chatted and had fun with her. She also had an entourage that must follow her around, and later one of them joined in to sing with her, it was a like a kitchen party!
So life is getting back to normal, whatever that might mean. I still well up when I speak of Honey and I look at the rock on her grave hardly able to believe she is gone. Life continues though, drives right over you and you can choose to get up and shake off the dirt or wallow in it.
I just finished a book by David Maginley, ‘Beyond Surviving’ and although it is about people with cancer it was interesting to read how others deal with dying and death, not only themselves, but others. David happened into my store a few weeks back when I was feeling lost and vulnerable and we chatted. I thought the timing was orchestrated somehow, as if it was meant to be. The book allowed me to put a name to my suffering. Apparently I experience Anticipatory Grief; suffering since the day she was diagnosed; knowing the inevitable was inevitable. It didn’t prepare me or take away from the intensity that I felt after her passing, but that glass half empty kicked in and I couldn’t appreciate the time we had when it was tainted with knowing she would be taken from me. At times throughout her illness I thought I might be losing my mind, so I was grateful to discover that I wasn’t alone, that many people deal with the dying of a loved one the same way, enough so as to give it a name. When the time comes for my pack of three to be reduced to two, I might be better able to cope with the impending loss and not feel so utterly alone, better for them as well as me…..
Now that my girl is gone I am getting used to not being a caregiver. For a long while I found it strange that I had little purpose other than to cater to myself, my husband and my other babies, all of whom didn’t need me to the degree my little patient did. Without my little ward, I’ve learned to once again venture away from home on my own for work, groceries and errands.
So two Saturday evenings ago, we went out to Rebecca's Restaurant with friends. I haven’t eaten there since they first opened and I wanted to try their new digs since their move to Keddy’s Landing at the head of the bay.
I was a bit down in the tooth, not wanting to go out but pulled up my big girl panties and made an effort to enjoy myself. Holy frig, the food was incredible and exceeded all my expectations! I had the Seafood Pasta and all I can say is WOW! Everything we ate was scrumptious, the starters and the dessert, not only tasted fabulous but looked like it was prepared for a photo shoot in a Gourmet Magazine. Not one complaint among us. I can’t wait to go back for that dish again as the taste and memory lingers on.
They also had live entertainment that evening. A local singer and her guitar strummed us through the various courses of the meal. She had an amazing voice, soft at times, but when she belted out those high notes the hair raised on my arms. Her name is Erika Kulnys. We chatted and had fun with her. She also had an entourage that must follow her around, and later one of them joined in to sing with her, it was a like a kitchen party!
So life is getting back to normal, whatever that might mean. I still well up when I speak of Honey and I look at the rock on her grave hardly able to believe she is gone. Life continues though, drives right over you and you can choose to get up and shake off the dirt or wallow in it.
I just finished a book by David Maginley, ‘Beyond Surviving’ and although it is about people with cancer it was interesting to read how others deal with dying and death, not only themselves, but others. David happened into my store a few weeks back when I was feeling lost and vulnerable and we chatted. I thought the timing was orchestrated somehow, as if it was meant to be. The book allowed me to put a name to my suffering. Apparently I experience Anticipatory Grief; suffering since the day she was diagnosed; knowing the inevitable was inevitable. It didn’t prepare me or take away from the intensity that I felt after her passing, but that glass half empty kicked in and I couldn’t appreciate the time we had when it was tainted with knowing she would be taken from me. At times throughout her illness I thought I might be losing my mind, so I was grateful to discover that I wasn’t alone, that many people deal with the dying of a loved one the same way, enough so as to give it a name. When the time comes for my pack of three to be reduced to two, I might be better able to cope with the impending loss and not feel so utterly alone, better for them as well as me…..
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